Having come of a three week depression mostly annoyed that I missed three weeks of work, I have decided that instead of trying to get my moods to normal, I am going to try to stabilise my moods in a slightly manic mode.
There is a bit of logic to this. No matter how stable the meds are supposed to keep us, our moods still fluctuate a bit. If I am normal, there is a good chance that I will slip into mild depression. However, since I am helpless once I am even a bit depressed, mild depression will almost inevitably turn into full depression.
If I try to remain a bit manic, it will take a wider mood swing to become depressed. However, since I am alert and functional while manic, it is easier for me to catch even mild variations in how I feel and act immediately to stop cycling downward.
Or that’s the hypothesis.
This past week I went through my typical manic cycle. Was pretty much under control – except for managing to have a disagreement / argument with just about everyone I deal with daily, except my father.
But mild stuff and I apologised. I shouted at only one of the persons. And all the arguments were all over real things that need to be sorted out.
(I’m not being very convincing, am I?)
Everything else relating to mania was controlled. Coordination was slightly off as usual, but I was expecting that. No unusual purchases.
I was however, superproductive at work, to the point where my boss was complaining that I was forcing him to work harder. I made a big dent in the work not done while I was depressed.
I’ve also gotten this amusing compulsion to do everything. It’s not a “walk on the cracks in the sidewalk” obsession. It’s much more a “straighten the cushions on the sofa as I walk by” or “wash the glass instead of leaving it in the sink” compulsion.
It’s awfully handy because a lot of the little tasks around the house are getting done, but most of the time I wasn’t planning to do any of them. They just came to my attention and I felt driven to do them. It doesn’t feel bad, just, surprising.
If C. finds out that I am this driven to do stuff, I could end up doing all the housework.
Anyway, this upcoming week is supposed to be the depression part of my mood cycle. I’ve been taking 300mg Wellbutrin daily for the last week (yes, through my manic cycle) and I am hoping I will stay manic this upcoming week too. If I realise that I am becoming less manic, I plan to increase the dosage to counter the effect.
We’ll see what happens.
Note: I do not recommend anyone trying this. Consult your psych before adjusting medications.