Still Not Depressed

It’s been 11 days since I took the 20 mg of Ketamine. I still haven’t gotten depressed yet.

This is exceptional because according to my experiences from the last 15 years, I should have gotten depressed already. More to the point, I’ve taken no other medication since I took the Ketamine.

Quite frankly, I’m quietly celebrating. If I can take one dose of a medication once every 10-15 days and then have no mood swings for the intervening period, I’d be happy.

The caveat – this is very early days. I won’t know until probably February or March 2013 what the deal is.

My blood pressure is back to normal (120/85 or so), so that’s good. I will be meeting with my cardiologist next Monday and hopefully I’ll get the monitored test done next week so I’ll know if the Ketamine is indeed affecting my blood pressure or heart rate negatively. Stay tuned.

With regards to the Ketamine making me manic, my experience to date has been

15 Oct 12: Monday afternoon
I was depressed before taking the Ketamine. For the first hour after taking Ketamine, I was in the dissociative / high state.  It’s odd, but I did not behave wildly. I was aware and coherent and perhaps a bit talkative. Possibly very mildly manic. When the dissociative effect dissipated after about one hour, I had no depression. The depression wasn’t masked or so; all the mood states, attitudes, and behaviours I associate with depression simply were gone.

15 Oct 12: Monday afternoon continued
For the next five hours until I went to sleep for then night, I was perhaps a bit hyper. I’m not sure if I was mildly manic or  just plain excited to suddenly not be depressed. All actions were controllable and I did not present as being manic to my parents or brother.

16-18 Oct 12: Tue – Thur afternoon
For the next 3 days, there were no symptoms at all. Not manic or depressed, simply the absence of any mood swings. By Thursday afternoon, I was feeling a bit manic, but to a very low level – perhaps at 5% mania –  enough to notice, but low enough not to even bother about.

19-20 Oct 12: Friday – Saturday
The next 2 days, I exhibited the same low level of mania as on Thursday afternoon. I did have to not be irritable, but this was easy to control without medication.

21 Oct 12: Sunday
This one day I got up late. To me that was a depression concern, but I did pretty much everything I wanted to do. So a high function day.

22 Oct 12: Monday
Back to showing no symptoms of either mania or depression. High function, productive day.

23 Oct 12: Tuesday
Had to carry dog to vet, which broke up my schedule and left me very out of sorts and falling into some very  depression like habits like eating a good bit of junk food. Bah humbug. But objectively the day itself was productive at a high level.

24-26 Oct 12: Wednesday – Friday
For the last three days I have been getting up a bit late and not feeling like doing much. But once I start moving, the entire day goes well without any mania or depression symptoms.

Today, I was mentioning how I felt on waking up to my housemate and saying how I am worried that it might be  the onset of depression. She looked at me and said dryly ‘What you describe sounds exactly like how normal people feel on mornings.’

So. Now I know that I describe normal in terms of depression and mania. Geez. I wonder what it might be like to think about life from that viewpoint instead of worrying all the time that I may be about to become a victim of my mood swings.

More to the point, it’s been 11 days and I’m still essentially symptomless. It’s unheard of for me. Am waiting to see how long it will last.

Also something I wonder about. Ketamine flushes from one’s system rapidly. So rapidly that two days after I took it, there should have been essentially none in my body. So if there is no drug within my system, what exactly is keeping me stable?

Curious.

2 thoughts on “Still Not Depressed

  1. Daniela,

    Am trying the Ketamine. However – and this is important – Ketamine is not FDA approved for use as a drug for depression or bipolar disorder, can possibly trigger mania, is used as a recreational drug, and may have contributed to causing a spike in my blood pressure that lasted about 4-5 days.

    I under heavy manners from my doctor, who isn’t keen at all on my using it. The only reason it is on the table for discussion is that the one dose I took appears to work so well. I am not expecting to know until February / March 2013 how well it might work in the long term. I am being hopeful, but I don’t know whether the risks outweigh the benefits.

    At the moment, I cannot recommend you even trying it. If however, you do decide to ignore me, please have a doctor supervising you when you try it.

    jinnah

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