Coming out of Depression

There is a tendency for other people (and us too) to think that once we come out of depression, life will be fine.

After all, we look alert, we are happy and chipper, we talk about what needs to be done, and we can get things done. So….all is well, right?

No.

We are better, at least for a while again. But our lives are not in order, and in fact they are probably in quite a mess. I just coming out of two months of depression and here are some of the things I have to deal with:

  • I’m not entirely sure where my paychecks are. They are probably in envelopes scattered somewhere in the kitchen, or living room, or near the computer. Well, at least they are in the house somewhere.
  • Not all of my bills have been paid. My electricity bill hasn’t been. In fact, I’m not sure where the electricity bill is.
  • I need to check my bank and credit card accounts to see if they have been overdrawn / unpaid again.
  • Get in touch with my family and friends, one by one. It would be a good thing since they haven’t heard from me in the last two months. Some might be a bit upset that I have been out of touch.
  • Bathe the dogs. Soon. They need trimming too, but that’s less critical.
  • Reorganise my weekly schedule. At the moment, although I am doing well mentally, I am feeling scattered because it’s been quite a while since I’ve had a regular ordered day.
  • Buy laundry soap, house cleaning stuff, shaving cream, etc..
  • Sort out my task list. I have only 82 incomplete items listed on it.

Got the idea. It just goes on and on. Every single thing has to be put in order. And a lot of the tasks are time consuming – it take a few hours to sit and think about setting back up a weekly schedule. Try fitting that in while rushing around trying to straighten out the rest of undone stuff. Especially if everything takes longer than it needs to because you keep on having to do stuff like spending twenty minutes finding the electricity bill.

At the moment, I think it takes me at least 2-3 weeks before I feel as if I have a handle on my life again.

I might no longer be depressed, but don’t really expect me to be back in action for another two weeks please. If you know me, it would also be nice not to place extra demands on me while I’m restarting my life. So if you have any of those “Oh good, you are feeling better, so now you can….” – don’t do it.

You might think that after having to do this for 15 years, I’d have a handle on it. Frustratingly, no. Depression really really unravels everything, so that preventative systems that should be easy to set up and maintain just stop working when I am depressed. They just fall apart. Completely. So I am obliged in each post-depression period to fix and set up the same systems over and over again.

And if there is too much to do, the sheer amount of stuff to do can trigger another depression episode – as it has in the past for me. But thankfully not always.

So I’m annoyed at having to fix the same things again, for the one zillionth time. And feeling a bit scattered because my schedule hasn’t quite settled down yet. And wondering when I’ll get around to starting back to exercise. But mostly, I’m just happy to not be depressed.

5 thoughts on “Coming out of Depression

  1. I really hate that feeling when you “wake up” from a depression, and see all the undone things.. And all the extra things that must be done then. But I suppose I’m kinda lucky. Whenever a depression is over it’s a matter of hours, before I get hypomanic. My friends make lots of (friendly) jokes about I don’t just clean my home; I disinfect it. I’ll even pull apart pipes and clean them on the inside.
    When I’m done cleaning and taking care of all the stuff however, thats when it starts to become a hazard to people around me.

    It’s good you are out of the depression. I hope it doesn’t become too much for you, despite how frustrating it is.

    • Am amused by your description. How does it work having such super rapid mood changes? How many things become undone in just a few hours? Or do they just look undone through the following mania lens?

      • In some ways it works very well. I can sit with a razor blade or bottles of pills in front of me, seriously considering suicide. Within an hour I will feel fantastic and clean my home from top to bottom. Or disinfect my home as my friends call it, haha.
        So from considering suicide and to having everything cleaned and done, it will take about 4 – 6 hours. Depending on the lenght of my depression. But no more than 6 hours.

        My extremely rapid moodchanges “saves” me from my depressions. I honestly don’t think that I would be alive without them. However, I do get negative effects from this.
        But I get even more manic from getting done within those hours. “OMG, I’m done this fast, this is great, wow I’m amazing and quick”, etc. I will often go to the gym for 2-3 hours then, and I will still be all hyped afterwards. That’s when I start to do crazy stuff.

        So I personally don’t feel anything negative about it. I feel awesome. But my family is concerned of course, and I do get hallucinations. Luckily I have parents that will bring me home to ‘keep an eye on me’. They live in the country. Which means I can’t just get into town and start arguments, fights, end up drunk somewhere, etc. When I’m at their home I will use my manic mood to clean their house, walk their dogs, ride the horses, fix fences, etc. Instead of ending up in heavy drinking, fight, doing drugs, stealing, etc.

        There are good things about rapid moodchanges. I don’t need to get those weeks of ‘recovery’ like you do (no offence meant). And no risk of going right into a depression again. I will quickly make up for the depression I was in.
        However, I will quickly get out of control. Aswell as I will quickly go from being hypomanic to depressed. And I will miss the manic state so much it makes me even more depressed.

        It became a longer post than expected. But I can’t really cut anymore off it, even tho I tried.

  2. Oh god, yes, THIS. Getting back up to cruising speed after the boat stops sinking takes so much work. It’s really frustrating – all this stuff to catch up with, and still falling behind despite making better progress because there’s so much backlog.

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