There is a tendency for other people (and us too) to think that once we come out of depression, life will be fine.
After all, we look alert, we are happy and chipper, we talk about what needs to be done, and we can get things done. So….all is well, right?
We are better, at least for a while again. But our lives are not in order, and in fact they are probably in quite a mess. I just coming out of two months of depression and here are some of the things I have to deal with:
- I’m not entirely sure where my paychecks are. They are probably in envelopes scattered somewhere in the kitchen, or living room, or near the computer. Well, at least they are in the house somewhere.
- Not all of my bills have been paid. My electricity bill hasn’t been. In fact, I’m not sure where the electricity bill is.
- I need to check my bank and credit card accounts to see if they have been overdrawn / unpaid again.
- Get in touch with my family and friends, one by one. It would be a good thing since they haven’t heard from me in the last two months. Some might be a bit upset that I have been out of touch.
- Bathe the dogs. Soon. They need trimming too, but that’s less critical.
- Reorganise my weekly schedule. At the moment, although I am doing well mentally, I am feeling scattered because it’s been quite a while since I’ve had a regular ordered day.
- Buy laundry soap, house cleaning stuff, shaving cream, etc..
- Sort out my task list. I have only 82 incomplete items listed on it.
Got the idea. It just goes on and on. Every single thing has to be put in order. And a lot of the tasks are time consuming – it take a few hours to sit and think about setting back up a weekly schedule. Try fitting that in while rushing around trying to straighten out the rest of undone stuff. Especially if everything takes longer than it needs to because you keep on having to do stuff like spending twenty minutes finding the electricity bill.
At the moment, I think it takes me at least 2-3 weeks before I feel as if I have a handle on my life again.
I might no longer be depressed, but don’t really expect me to be back in action for another two weeks please. If you know me, it would also be nice not to place extra demands on me while I’m restarting my life. So if you have any of those “Oh good, you are feeling better, so now you can….” – don’t do it.
You might think that after having to do this for 15 years, I’d have a handle on it. Frustratingly, no. Depression really really unravels everything, so that preventative systems that should be easy to set up and maintain just stop working when I am depressed. They just fall apart. Completely. So I am obliged in each post-depression period to fix and set up the same systems over and over again.
And if there is too much to do, the sheer amount of stuff to do can trigger another depression episode – as it has in the past for me. But thankfully not always.
So I’m annoyed at having to fix the same things again, for the one zillionth time. And feeling a bit scattered because my schedule hasn’t quite settled down yet. And wondering when I’ll get around to starting back to exercise. But mostly, I’m just happy to not be depressed.