Taking Medication for the First Time

31 October 1997 I’ve taken medication (Tegretol) for the first time and it is like… A bucket of cold water thrown on an overheated footballer Being able to think now! Putting on shades to blank out the glare Sanity after years of insanity A space of calm in the ocean with the sea raging just…

Taking Medication, Take Two

Below are short notes that I kept for two months while on medication. There is a jump in the date from the previous page – I started to take medication last November but stopped a few weeks afterwards. And then started and stopped a few times between then and now. Apparently over fifty percent of…

Stable and Reflective

27 June 1999 – Diary Since I came back from New York two weeks ago, life has been wonderful. I wonder if it feels this way for everybody else. If I choose to do something I can do it without a fight. There is no secondary pressure stopping me from doing it. I think –…

It’s OK to be Depressed

29 July 1999 – Diary I’m back to being out of control, drifting. Definitely depressed. Just as I thought things were going to work out. My mom is worried that that things have taken a turn for the worse, but I have been here before, it’s all familiar territory. I am annoyed though, and upset…

Just When I Thought I was Stable

It is ever so with things that Men begin, there is a frost in Spring, or a blight in Summer, and they ever fail of their promise. — J.R.R. Tolkien’s “Lord of the Rings.” 13 August 1999 – Diary It’s been a week since I have written in my diary. The upswing that started last…

Lives of Quiet Desperation

21 August 1999 – Diary Feeling much better this morning. Opened my door, saw the list of things I need to do for my life to get going again. It’s a mile high. Closed the door and went back in bed. I think I’ll get up tomorrow. 22 August 1999 – Diary Feeling much better…

A Day in the Life of a Manic Person

27 August 1999 – Diary Finished work at 10:30 pm Thursday night. Came home and worked on my web site until 3:30 am. I had gotten e-mail from a friend who said to be careful that the web site does not take over my work. Well, it hasn’t. Unfortunately it has taken over my sleep…

Here I Start Again…again

To fight aloud, is very brave – But gallanter, I know Who charge within the bosom The Calvary of Woe – Who win, and nations do not see – Who fall – and none observe – Whose dying eyes, no Country Regards with patriotic love – — Emily Dickinson 29 August 1999 – Diary I…

Been There, Done That, Got a T-shirt

If we can’t take our lives with a large dose of humour, we are in big trouble. 4 September 1999 – Diary A while back I applied the catch phrase to myself when I was talking with a friend. She was describing her inability to take her antidepressants (the “I just can’t” problem) and I…