Still Not Depressed

It’s been 11 days since I took the 20 mg of Ketamine. I still haven’t gotten depressed yet. This is exceptional because according to my experiences from the last 15 years, I should have gotten depressed already. More to the point, I’ve taken no other medication since I took the Ketamine. Quite frankly, I’m quietly celebrating. If…

Depression and taking Ketamine

I tried Ketamine yesterday. I had been in a depression episode that lasted through all of September, which is a very long episode for me. This is problematical, because while many of the antidepressants have some effect in preventing me from getting depressed, none work to actually get me out of depression. So there I…

Eighteen Symptoms of Depression

Here is what I go through when I’m depressed. These aren’t exactly the official symptoms, but they give a better feel of what it is really like to be depressed. See if any of this sounds familiar. The First Signs of Becoming Depressed are 1» I start waking up later. At first it doesn’t slip…

September 2011 to Now

It has been an interesting ride for the last 5 months. This is a quick note mostly to let you know that I’m back to writing… Coffee First off, the use of coffee seems to do something. I’d like to say it works, but that’s not entirely true – I been in and out of…

Cause and Effect, Depression and Stress

The traditional and common model has it that there must be some event or stress in your life that causes depression. I think that’s just wrong. And my experiences over the years generally have borne me out. Stress does not cause depression. Getting depressed creates stress in your life. For example… One thing that correlates with…

Panic Attacks

Since my major meltdown in 1997, I haven’t gotten panic attacks. Or at least nothing compared to what other people write about. I’ve often wondered why, because I get depressed as much and as intensely, as other people. On the other hand, I do tend to retreat into my house when I’m depressed and read…

What depression is…

I’ve chosen to think that being depressed is about productivity. Why that? Why not feelings? Yes, I do get the thoughts that I can’t carry on, or that I am a failure, or that no one can possibly love me, or that I’m worthless and everything I touch will turn to dust. But I’ve learned,…

With a Little Help from My Friends

I get by… When I’m depressed, I need help in order to prevent myself from staying home and hiding. Yeah, I do that . It turns out there is nothing I can do to stop this from happening. Once the depression kicks in, I’m pretty much caught in its patterns, and I can’t get out…